I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
