I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
