Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I deserve this hangover.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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