He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
