I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize