Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
