I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
