I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
