i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
