Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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