While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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