I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
