My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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