I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
