so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
