Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
