Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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