I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
