very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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