Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
