He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
