"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Randomize
