She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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