3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
