i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
