my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
