Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
