I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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