My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I faked an abortion last night.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize