take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
