pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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