He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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