I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
