Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
