exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
