That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
