Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Randomize