I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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