bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize