i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
