i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
