My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
