ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
