can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
