So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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