Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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