His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
