FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
