Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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