Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
