My brain says no but my pants say off.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
