Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
