You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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