So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
