So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
