im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
