She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
