Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
