I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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