Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
