1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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