so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the day after is always just damage control
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Less talking, more tequila
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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