He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
