just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
