Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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