Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
