She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
