Only a mothe r could love this liver
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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