Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
