I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
