how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
