So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
