You made me cry and you don't even care
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
