Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
