I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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