Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
