Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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