theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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