the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your shirt... Was in my pants
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
