my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can't put those talents on a resume
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
