***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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