He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
