I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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