how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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