Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
